I was out for a walk and decided to buy som lager since it was in the shop next to my house. As I was getting my lager and bottle of vodka just in case who should walk in but Necastle legend Joelinton.
He wanted to buy some footballs and we ran into each other in the aisle.
I of course being a huge fan of him said ‘You were fucking shit on Saturday mate’ .
At this point he became needlessly aggressive. ‘Hey, what’s your problem pal?’ he said to me, completely unprovoked’
‘Ye couldn’t kick the head off a rotten lamb ya gorilla’ I replied,attempting to descalator the situation
At this point the coward fled. Apparently oblivious to the harmm he was causing. As an intrepid journalist and massive Joelinton fan, I decided to adapt and continue the interview.
Joelinton was at that point by the fridge
‘What are ye buyin? Poofta juice?’
At this point this so called footballer began to assault me, maybe sexually, he looks the type.
Why are you following me around and attacking me he pled, like a woman.
I wittily quipped ‘why are you following me around and attacking me’ in my perfect brazilian english’.
The so called big man of football puffed out his big chest and looked at me. at this point I knew I had won, he was all front.
I looked him right in the eye and said ‘you can leave now’
he is an excitable guy, i knew he couldn’t do this. i slowed down time and saw the neurons in his brain and realised that I had him. I looked at the fridge which distracted his attention, he for a whole half of a second looked behind him at the fridge, at this point my left hand moved behind my back and retrieved my knife.
As I predicted, he became dangerous, he moved towards me and fell right into my trap, as he moved forward my knife went up under his ribcage and into his vitals. he was a strong guy so I was a little worried, but I turned the knife 90 degrees and that stopped everything, he fell like all of the others. Another pile of meat. Another failed lie. Another nothing
Never meet your heroes guys
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